Tall Angry Monster

Not So Superman

11/18/2008 10:36 AM

What the hell is Superman's problem? The dude is nigh invincible, but still manages to get his ass beat in every fight. Let's see here, the average superhero has ONE superpower, and still manages to kick ass. The Hulk is pretty much just friggin ripped, Colosas is invulnerable, and the flash is faster than a nerd in the sack. Superman, of course, has all those powers in addition to:

X-ray vision
Flight (Unless he's just wearing magic spandex)
Super Breath
Super Hearing
InfraRed Vision
Radar Vision
Telescopic Vision
Heat Vision (Like a gay death ray)

Why stop there? Why not throw in some more uncanny abilities. Maybe he can steal Mariah Carey's ability to sing really really high. Or Bill O'Reilly's ability to spew bullshit onto the masses. How about a stomach for world class competitive eating? Can he also grow his nails super quickly?

Superman is the comic book equivilant of some power tripping dork running around playing Doom with the God Mode cheat (IDBEHOLDI). What the hell is the point in playing? The worse of it, is that the guy is still a total weiner. In every episode, movie, comic, I've only seen the guy bleed like once, because of kryptonite. But he's always grunting and whining like a little girl when he gets hit. The only thing "Super" about Superman is Big Gay Al's pronunciation of the word.

In other news. I finished Fable 2 last night. I found myself incredibly disappointed. Admittadely, I didn't do lots of the quests, demon doors, etc, but I certainly played enough to get the gist of the game. The combat system was pretty weak, definitely not exciting. I never found a need to max out any of my abilities, which means the game never really had any challenges. And since I, unlike Superman, enjoy a challenge, that was a serious letdown. And lastly (like Gears 2) the ending was really anticlamactic. I went in expecting some huge showdown with my nemesis, instead I just shot him in the face. Woo hoo. For me, the game was a waste of $60.

- Mike

That is 2 Ls