Tall Angry Monster

It tastes like Red

06/26/2008 4:44 PM

Every few months I have to fill out some paperwork that asks me to indicate my race. My company is always putting on this act about how important cultural diversity is, so they had us fill out this survey a few weeks ago. There's was whole slew of options, assuming of course, your race has some color to it. Here were the actual selections available:

- African American - Native American - Indian American - Hispanic - Asian - Hawaiian - White

Hey thanks for noticing assholes, but I'm pretty sure fucking "White" is not a race. Russian, German, Irish, Polish, Norwegian, English, etc, they're all WAY different cultures. At least start listing "European American" as an option, just to be consistent. I don't even care about race, but if people are going to make a big deal of it, don't exclude half of the world.

Ironically terms like "African American" don't even make any sense (at least not for what it's intended). Its entirely possible to be from Africa, live in America and *gasp* be white. Ever find yourself listening to Seether? That's right smart guy, they're a bunch of whitey's from South Africa.

I could go on, but I've lost interest in my own ramblings, and my writing is becoming incoherent. I realize none of these terms (except maybe Hawaiian) are very specific, but referring to a race as "White" (or any other color), makes about as much sense as saying "This tastes like red".
- Mike

I lived overseas for most of my childhood, about 13 years, and when I came back to the States I had to fill out one of these damn forms. I started reading it:
African American?
Well… I did just move to the United States after living in Egypt for 3 years (for those of you geographically challenged), Egypt is part of Africa. I was a smart young lad and figured out that I wasn’t African American, so I moved on.
I lived in Pakistan, Philippines, Indonesia, and Japan, but I figured, I’m not Asian, even though I had lived there more than anywhere else at the time. Next Question Native America?
I was born in America, am a native to America? Yes, yes I am. Check.

Quick check of all the options… What the hell is Caucasian?

I got pamphlets for several years asking me to join Native American groups and asking me what tribe I’m from. I eventually figured out that I wasn’t a Native American, but I’ll be damned if the entire Native American community ever figured it out. I even considered applying for a scholarship based upon my “race”.

I share this with you to let you know that I am in fact “white”, almost as white as one can get. I had an Albino roommate in college, I wouldn’t say that he was any lighter than I was, I could just see better. As long as we’re on the subject, NEVER GET INTO A CAR WITH AN ALBINO DRIVER. They are damn near blind (and legally blind), but with corrective lenses they get a license to drive a car. Sorry Steve, but I’m never riding in a car with you again. Hmmm I seemed to have strayed from my original point. I’m white, very white. What does that tell you about me?
Statistically that I'll make more money than you if you're not a white male, but what does it actually tell you about me?

I have a shitload of SPF in my sunscreen.

Sometimes I look at the picture of my dude, and I wonder what his expression says. Today it's definitely "Yeah MOTHAFUCKA! You LEARNED shit today!"

That is 2 Ls